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Thu, Dec. 25th, 2003, 12:59 am
i'd sell my soul, my self esteem, a galleon at a time...

Bellatrix was lying out on her bed, thinking about Sirius (naughty!), when she heard a knock on her door. She looked toward it, puzzled, and finally said, "Come in?"

Ashley sauntered in, her dress robes whipping around her ankles. "Your mother said I could find you here. Have you not left you room all day," she asked, sitting on the chaise under the window.

Bellatrix had barely lifted her chin from where it rested on her hand when she said, "No, I've been in here all day." She sighed heavily.

"What could you possibly be doing in here? Your mother seemed quite bothered. She said Rodolphus came by, but you refused to even come down then." She leaned back on the chaise, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders.

"Yes, he did come by... I'm just not in the mood for him right now, other than the fact that I'm having quite a time looking even a photograph of him in the eye." Bellatrix looked out the window above Ashley's head.

Ashley sighed deeply, putting her arms above her head and stretching. "You've been up here all day brooding over Sirius haven't you? What's left to mull over? You snogged him, he snogged you, you had a great drunken time, and now it's over."

Bella knew she was right. She didn't understand why she was feeling like this... She wasn't supposed to care. She sat up, smirking, and said, "You're right. There really is no reason for this." She eyed a quill by her bedside, and thought of owlling Rodolphus and asking him to come back after Ashley had left. She grabbed for the quill and scribbled a note to him on a piece of parchment, sealed it with her wax seal, and sent if off with the owl that was sitting on one of the posts of her bed.

"Bellatrix," Ashley asked huffily, draping her arms over the end of the chaise, "have you talked to Sirius? Maybe you should...perhaps he feels the same?"

"Actually, he asked me if we could meet tonight, but when I told him you were coming for tea, he got snarky and said forget it," she shrugged.

Ashley put her head into her hands as Bellatrix said that, screaming into them loudly. "You are so daft Bella! He wanted to meet with you for a reason you know. I'm sure to talk about what happened...how can you be so stupid? Owl him right now and tell him you want to meet him! I think I can survive the rest of the evening on my own.

Bella quirked an eyebrow at her friend, "Are you sure?" She grabbed for the same quill and another piece of parchment she'd used to owl Rodolphus earlier and scribbled a note to Sirius and sent it off with another owl that had just flown in the window. "Well, you'll stay here till he gets here, right?"
"I want to talk to you about the 'plan'," she smirked.

Ashley smirked back, nodding. "Of course I'll stay!"

"Good." Bellatrix smiled and sat on the edge of her bed, facing Ashley. "So, on Saturday, do you think Lucius will be back by then?"

Ashley shrugged, shaking her head so her mane of long hair splayed all around, settling against her pink robes. "I'm not sure, but knowing his father, probably not. He does enjoy putting on airs." She rolled her eyes as she said this.

"Too right." Bella gave a disappointed shrug. "Well, anyway, I'd planned on us all meeting in the common room before hand to go over this, but all I'm going to need is Rodolphus' aim, and then an owl. It's all pretty basic, we wait until they start singing, get half way through the song, and have the owl deliver her the letter telling her the basics. Then, we watch from the second story balcony as she squirms, and then stroll out onto the lawn, smirking, as he asks her what the matter is. Then, we watch as his whole world crumbles down around him. Then, for added effect, I think I might make a bit of a 'scene,' if you know what I mean, with Rodolphus. Completely crash the party."

Ashley smirked them, lowering her voice and talking in a childish tone. "Awww. Poor ickle Siri might needed someone to help him pick up the pieces. He'll be ever so devastated...the poor bloke. I almost feel bad for him. Almost..."she grinned, her eyes gleaming.

"I don't feel bad in the slightest. He deserves it, the prat," she smirked. "If anything, we're doing him a favor."

"Why does he deserve it," she couldn't help but ask. "Face it. He gave you the snog of your life darling."

"Yes, I know. That's exactly why he deserves it," she winked.

Ashley, being the ditzy type, didn't quite get it. "I don't quite get it," she said, staring at Bella with curious eyes.

Bella sighed frustratedly. "Honestly, Ashley, is there anything between your ears?" She rolled her eyes and smiled. "I want him. I want to hurt him, to watch him squirm, because he's got me so wrapped around his little finger right now that I can't escape him, and it's driving me insane. I have to do this. Perhaps just for myself."

Ashley was about to comment, when a large and sleek Eagle owl swooped in through the window, perching on the sill. It held out it's foot expectantly, a neatly scrolled piece of parchment tied to its foot with a red ribbon. "Looks like you've got some mail Bella."

Bellatrix untied the letter from the owl, unrolled it, and began to read. "It's from Sirius. He'll be here soon, and through my fireplace." She cast a glance toward the blazing fire inside it.

Ashley stood up, dusting off her robes. "I guess that means I should head downstairs, unless you want to me pretend I'm invisible or something," she snorted, heading for the door.

"Yeah, I guess I'll call you up when he's gone. This might get interesting," she laughed mirthlessly.

Ashley rolled her eyes, and headed out the door. "I'll be waiting outside the door. I want to hear everything," she smirked, exiting the room with a defiant air.

"Good idea," Bella muttered as a noise came from inside her fireplace, happy Ashley'd left when she had. She straightened her robes and stood, leaning against a post on her bed, her expression a sly smirk.

Sirius flooed into Bellatrix' bedroom, rolling out of the fireplace with a loud grunt, covered in soot and ash. The only thing really visible was his piercing blue eyes peeking out from underneath his now gray hair.

Bellatrix quirked an eyebrow at him from where she stood. "Good evening," she said, rather arrogantly.

"Evening," he mumbled, dusting at his robes and hair, trying to clean himself off. He despised flooing with a passion, but it was the only way in and out of the Manor without being seen.

"So, what is so important?" She inquired, yawning.

He glared at her, shaking his head hard, sending soot flying everywhere. He at least now resembled himself. "I think you know. I wanted to talk about a certain little incident that happened between us the other night."

She smirked, her eyes glinting in the firelight. "Ah yes, our little... escapade."

The room was growing dark as the sun began to set outside, and it threw an eerie shadow of Sirius' face, making his eyes stand out even more. "We need to forget it ever happened," he said with a scoff. "We were both drunk, and it never should have happened at all."

Bella's face fell, though she wasn't sure how noticeably. She nodded, keeping her smirk, and said, "Of course, Sirius. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Sirius, despite his best efforts, let his gaze soften a little. She wasn't being her usual self at all. "All right Bellatrix, what's wrong," he asked, sitting down on the bed. "Something is on your mind."

She blushed, feeling rather foolish. She couldn't tell him what she was feeling, it could get weirder than it already was. "I said that I wouldn't have it any other way, Sirius." Her facade turned cold and she turned her back to him.

Sirius rolled his eyes at her back, but instantly felt bad. Perhaps she was taking the entire incident harder then he thought. He moved off the bed and across the room, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry Bellatrix," he whispered, "I'm honestly sorry for everything."

She felt goose bumps spread over her arms and she was instantly happy she was wearing long sleeve robes. She turned back around, facing him, her face in a thoughtful frown. She muttered something that sounded like, "I don't want you to be sorry, Sirius."

He quirked an eyebrow, letting his hand fall from her shoulder to his side. "What did you say," he asked, staring at her with wonderment. Had she said what he'd thought she'd said?

Bella looked over his shoulder and bit her lip, forgetting that it was quite bruised. She and Ashley hadn't quite gotten around to the concealment charms, so all of her 'marks' that were visible despite her robes were showing. She quickly stopped biting her lip and said, louder this time, "I don't want you to be sorry, Sirius." She looked into his eyes at the moment she said his name.

Sirius jumped a little as her eyes met his. So she had said what he'd thought she said. Slowly he backed away, until his legs hit the bed, and he sat down hard. "I..I..I know what happened was wrong. Really wrong...and that we were both not ourselves at all...but when I came 'round and realized what I'd done. I didn't want to be sorry for it either," he whispered, staring at the floor.

Bellatrix exhaled the breath that she felt like she'd been holding since he first arrived. She crossed the room to her bed and sat next to him, looking at the floor. "Sirius?" she said in a small voice, unsure if she should go on, but she had to know. "Sirius, did you... you know... find last night... pleasurable?"

He couldn't help but laugh out loud, a snorting laugh that caught Bellatrix quite off guard. "Are you insane? Of course I did. I was on the floor at a Ministry of Magic function, snogging the best looking girl in the room," he paused to sigh, "who just happens to be my cousin. Which in turns, makes the pleasure not so good."

She looked at him, scared for a second, until he finished his comment. "I know..." she sighed. Finally, at a loss for more words than she was about to say, she just blurted, "Sirius, last night was fucking amazing." She hoped she didn't have any reason to feel embarrassed at what she'd just said. She had a feeling he was feeling the same way.

Sirius kept his eyes on the ground, not daring to look up. He did, indeed, feel the same way. "I know that it was Bellatrix, and we both know why. One, it's forbidden in every sense of the word. Two, we despise each other, which makes things even more passionate. It's always been that way. Everything between us is passionate. Our fights. Our arguments...:

She continued his statement, "Our kisses." She wished he'd look at her, her heart felt like it would beat out of her chest with the need of his eyes to meet hers. She wanted so much at that moment to touch him, to feel him once more, but she knew it wouldn't be right. "Sirius, why us?" her voice cracked a bit. Never had she been this emotional with anyone in her entire life, but she felt as though she would be eaten up with it if she didn't let it out. She clenched her teeth, holding it back as best she could.

"I don't know Bellatrix," he whispered. "I really don't. Fate's just like that, I suppose. The two people most meant for each other, are the two that can't be together. It's happened all through out history. That's just the way it is. We can not be together." He finally looked up, his eyes shining in the dark.

"I understand that, Siri." Bellatrix was, at that moment, very happy that there was very little light, save for the fireplace that she had her back to, in her bedroom; a tear fell from her eye. "I know we can't be together, I know..." She looked at him, holding his eyes with hers before suddenly resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, letting her hair spill over the side of the bed. A surge of hate came over her, she didn't like to be this vulnerable.

Sirius leaned over, peering around Bellatrix curtain of hair to look her in the face. "Are you crying darling," he asked, his voice plagued with concern. He hated when people cried at his expense.

She let out a barely audible sniffle and lifted her eyes to meet his, hoping that the fact that her eyes were red and watering and that her cheeks were wet answered his question.

Impulsively he pulled her into a hug, wishing he could take it all back. He enjoyed being mean to Bellatrix, taunting her, teasing her, but making her cry was breaking his heart. "Why are you crying," Sirius whispered softly, struggling to get a handle on the situation.

She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his chest and burying her face in the crook of his neck, letting the tears flow onto his robes. She sniffled again before replying, "Sirius, you know that I've always been given whatever my heart desires and now... now, I'm breaking because I can't have it. I can't have what I want... and it's wrong, I know it's so wrong that I should want what I do, but I can't help it. I've always detested you, and I'm sure the feeling was mutual for all 15 years of my existence, but what I'm feeling is ripping my soul in half, I can't have you... but I want you more than anything."

Sirius rested his chin on top of Bella's head, tears forming in his own eyes. What a mess they had gotten themselves into. "Darling," he whispered into her ear, "if I could change things, I certainly would. I do know how you feel. After what happened...I'm finding it hard to look at you the same way. I don't know what made you approach me that night...or what made you kiss me first...but I know that I feel the same way you do right now. But there isn't a damn thing either of us can do.

Bellatrix looked up at him, then away to the side, resting her temple against his shoulder. "So, so this is it?"

He could only shrug, unsure of what to do.. "What would you have me do Bellatrix," he asked, not knowing what else to say.

"There's nothing we can do; you said it yourself. I don't know what I was thinking... I almost wish it'd never happened... I hate this, I hate the way you make me feel." Bellatrix gave a heaving sob into his shoulder and held him tighter to her. She could have probably stayed where she was forever, she hoped he didn't have anywhere to go , she wasn't sure how well she'd take to him walking out on her again.... which made her ask, "Sirius, why did you just walk out? Afterwards, I mean."

"Because love," he sighed, "I was afraid. I was so scared the Andromeda would look into my eyes...and then she'd know that I knew exactly what I was doing." There, it was quite out in the open now. He wrapped his arms around Bellatrix, letting his head rest upon hers once more. He hated this, desperately.

She felt comforted that he was holding her. Her head snapped up, and she looked directly into his eyes, "You knew? So, all this about being drunk... you knew? I mean, we were, but I had a clear mind through the whole thing, I can remember every detail." Her heart fluttered inside her chest, she looked at him quizzically, waiting with bated breath.

He sighed, suddenly wishing he hadn't said anything. "Yes, I knew. You think I didn't know exactly how I was making you feel? I was drunk, Bellatrix, not stupid," he gazed into her eyes as he spoke. His eyes wondered from her gaze, do her shoulder, and he bit his lip. Sirius took one hand from her back, and used his index finger to gently outline the hideous purple bruise on her shoulder blood. "I'm sorry love. I didn't meant to hurt you," he whispered, idly making circles with his finger against her skin.

"I...I..." she stammered, her eyes wandering to her shoulder and then snapping back up to meet his. She felt like she could turn into a puddle of Bellatrix at that moment. She said meekly, "You didn't hurt me."

Sirius looked back up into her eyes, and saw that there were still tears pooling there. With resonance, he scooted back on the bed and laid down, patting the spot next to him. "You're a mess, you look like you got no sleep. I'm not leaving until I'm sure you're ok, so lie down here, and lets get you to bed."

Bellatrix nodded and slid next to him on her bed, curling toward his body. She closed her eyes for a lingering moment before opening them again to see his blue eyes looking directly into her own. She reached up and touched his cheek lightly with her fingertips.

Sirius knew that it couldn't happen again, so he slowly took his own fingertips, and placed them over Bellatrix’ eyelids, willing them to close. "Close your eyes know, go on, and I'll sing you to sleep, like I used to when we were little and you were afraid of the monster under the bed," he whispered softly.

She closed her eyes under his fingertips, smiling faintly at the memory of his singing. It had been so very long since he'd done this for her.

His voice was barely above a faint whisper, as he began to sing, a smile on his lips. This was one of the few good memories from his childhood. "Oh, why you look so sad? The tears are in your eyes, come and come to me now. Don't, be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through...cause I've seen the dark side too..."

Bellatrix began to feel warm inside, she'd forgotten that his singing did this to her. She let her eyes open slowly and close again as started to feel sleep creeping up on her.

Sirius smiled down at Bellatrix, and continued to sing. "When the night falls on you, and you don't know what to do. Nothing you confess, could make me love you less, I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you...won't let nobody hurt you...I'll stand by you..."
He was quite sure by this point, that Bellatrix was fast asleep. With a sigh, Sirius climbed slowly out of the bed, careful not to disturb her, as he crept towards the fireplace.

Bellatrix' head lolled gently forward, a sure sign that she was asleep. She didn't feel Sirius get up from her bed, she didn't hear his footsteps toward the fireplace.

Sirius reached the fireplace, and took a handful of the floo powder. Before he stepped in, he turned and cast one last look at Bellatrix, and said with a whisper, "Vous êtes mon immortal." He then threw in the powder, stepped into the fire, and was gone.

Sat, Dec. 27th, 2003 01:24 pm (UTC)
jp_prongs: OOC: James

Why was I booted without my information? Please let me know, I'll be quite disturbed if I have done something that I didn't know about..as far as I know I've kept my posting limits..

Help, please?

other james